work, routine life, usual chores---ah, i have come a long way in life and yet it hurts in the same way it did 5 or 10 years before. like holden caulfield thought in 'the catcher in the rye', i sometimes think, i should just disappear as i cross the road, or board a train or simply vanish as i sleep. or better than all, i just want to lie in the darkest chamber of the great pyramid of egypt sleeping for centuries and centuries without a single feeling, feeling absolutely nothing. i don't really get these dark ideas all the time; it is just some days or nights when even i get scared of myself. when i am in such kind of mental colour; i almost always get the most frequent nightmare of my life, where i am totally unprepared for an upcoming examination and there is no more time left to study. i wake up in distress; and console myself saying - finally i've got a job and luckily no exams to write. but to be honest, as i grow up; these days are recurring more often than the past. i am not entirely certain why, but i have my own reasons which are inexplicably complicated. i am sure though, it is not entirely depression; because depression would essentially hamper some or all of my key abilities. which is not the case; only for the fact that at times i seem to be lost in the dream of lying peacefully in the darkest chamber of the pyramid....for centuries.....feeling nothing.
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