funniest novel ever

j.d.salinger has not yet sold the rights to make a movie of the classic 'the catcher in the rye'. so if you want to enjoy it; you have to read it- and movie could never convey same pure pleasure of reading it; and every time i do; i am transformed into the mind of holden caulfied; probably one of the most unheroic heroes in literature history. it is a kind of novel which sticks on mind for a long time and colours your communication style as long as it's fresh.

it begins like this...

"if you really want to hear about it, the first thing you'll probably want to know is where i was born, an what my lousy childhood was like, and how my parents were occupied and all before they had me, and all that david copperfield kind of crap, but i don't feel like going into it, if you want to know the truth. in the first place, that stuff bores me, and in the second place, my parents would have about two hemorrhages apiece if i told anything pretty personal about them. they're quite touchy about anything like that, especially my father. they're nice and all--i'm not saying that--but they're also touchy as hell. besides, i'm not going to tell you my whole goddam autobiography or anything."

love actually

no this is not about the 2003 romantic comedy. actually it is all about the most favourite word of english speaking indians and specially software fraternity. it is a very useful word. my roommate was talking to someone over the phone; i counted three scores of ‘actually’s in 10 minutes of his talk. i have a love-hate relationship with this word. i mostly use it when i am in panic. when something goes wrong and i get a call to explain something i am not sure, i almost involuntarily start with ‘actually’. the other day my manager called to inform about a havoc caused due to recent change in design. ‘actually that was done by mr.x, not me.’ ‘where is he now?’ ‘actually he is on leave’. and my manager put down the phone with a thud. i don’t particularly love to use this word when i am in control of my senses. the funny part is that i have heard people using this magic word at the start of every sentence…literally. a few days back; i overheard this girl who sits near me; she went like this,

‘actually we are going to paris this friday’
pause
‘actually if you should have told this before. we have bookings now.’
pause
‘actually………….uuh…….can i call you after one hour’
pause
‘actually i can’t promise anything now. actually we are group of 10 people naa..so it will be difficult actually.’

what was that? i don’t know. but it was getting funnier every passing second. the most devout users of this word are those who are new to telephonic conference calls. the hesitation and fear gives way to ‘actually’ after ‘actually’. we were taught in the behavioural training to use this word sparingly and never out of context. i almost died laughing once when i heard someone introducing herself as ‘actually my name is xxx. i am from xxx project.’ to put it in other terms it is as if saying ‘genuinely my name is xxx.’ who dare claim that your name is not xxx? we honestly believe you are xxx. the other most popular use of ‘actually’ is when we call some customer care or booking office. i have observed myself that 8 out of 10 times i start off the chat with ‘actually’. once my friend called some customer care and started with ‘actually’. i couldn’t control myself and started to laugh. he got so suspicious that he stopped talking and asked what was wrong with me. ‘i said nothing i remembered a bad joke i heard 10 years back’ i said. i am always on a hunt for some fun listening to people using this word.

there is no dispute that ‘actually’ is actually our comfort word. may be it gives some degree of confidence and may be sometimes an element authenticity to the talk. i am not sure why we can’t live without it. you love it or hate it; ‘actually’ enjoys a huge fan base and definitely it is one of our favourite words.

on god, belief and skepticism

first of all, i am not afraid to admit my religious thinking is influenced by islamic beliefs. but secondly, i have studied gist of all the world religions. thinking of god is perhaps one of man's most primitive acts.

----on one hand....

god exists; when i want to convince someone as a member of proselytising religion; my point would be; this universe may be an accident; the whole idea of life would be accident; but the very fact that as human beings; we are able to think about the supreme being, creator of everything, and in essence accept his supreme powers, and submit to his will, is, in fact a convincing start. it can't be a mere coincidental fabrication in every known culture and civilisation in history of mankind, that idea of god has evolved and persisted, essentially in the same central form. even polytheistic religions have an idea of one supreme god above all others.

other argument, which is not entirely convincing to me is, of final justice for man. given life is so unfair to literally all those who have lived; there must be a final and fair justice. religions having idea of afterlife would preach this argument; as all of them believe in concept of heaven and hell; in fact quran says in chapter zilzaal ' whoso does good an atom's weight will see it then (judgement day), and whoso does ill an atom's weight will see it'. that essentially encompasses this argument.

and finally among many verses in quran; one verse that overweighs all arguments is about creation of the universe. in chapter anbiyaa, it is said 'have not those who disbelieve known that the heavens and the earth were of one piece, then we parted them, and we made every living thing of water?'. first part refers to the big bang theory, actually i didn't use 'alludes' because the words don't seem to allude, they refer, too clearly and directly to big bang. and second part is self explanatory; to just add; not a single living organism has been found of which water is not a constituent.

----and on the other.....

god does not exist; atheists like bertrand russells and richard dawkins of every age made their names for their anger towards believers of god. without filling up pages with their arguments; i can summarise their whole philosophy in a few words- 'unceasing human sufferings and sorrows- natural or social, is a proof enough that a merficul god must not exist'. russell says in one of his articles that one should go to the children’s ward in a hospital and see how merciful believers’ god is. while dawkin generally gets odd with human sufferings caused by belief in god; and hence he professes, god must not exist, else we won't have such un-ideal and imperfect world, as we know it; marred with wars, corrupt beliefs and sometimes hateful ideology.

regarding the argument of final justice of believers; atheists have got their own argument. russell asks; if you see rotten oranges in top layer of a box full of oranges, then there is a higher probability that whole box would have rotten oranges; than the opposite. sounds intelligent; but a bit verbose to me.

when i have my moments of doubt; the question which disturbs me most is; if god created us from nothing; why should he punish us in this life or afterlife if we fail to follow his command. why the experiment of creating; testing; punishing- for which we as humans, unfortunately don't seem ‘originally’ responsible; should convince a rational mind that it is an act of mercy in any way?

reflections of a tired mind

work, routine life, usual chores---ah, i have come a long way in life and yet it hurts in the same way it did 5 or 10 years before. like holden caulfield thought in 'the catcher in the rye', i sometimes think, i should just disappear as i cross the road, or board a train or simply vanish as i sleep. or better than all, i just want to lie in the darkest chamber of the great pyramid of egypt sleeping for centuries and centuries without a single feeling, feeling absolutely nothing. i don't really get these dark ideas all the time; it is just some days or nights when even i get scared of myself. when i am in such kind of mental colour; i almost always get the most frequent nightmare of my life, where i am totally unprepared for an upcoming examination and there is no more time left to study. i wake up in distress; and console myself saying - finally i've got a job and luckily no exams to write. but to be honest, as i grow up; these days are recurring more often than the past. i am not entirely certain why, but i have my own reasons which are inexplicably complicated. i am sure though, it is not entirely depression; because depression would essentially hamper some or all of my key abilities. which is not the case; only for the fact that at times i seem to be lost in the dream of lying peacefully in the darkest chamber of the pyramid....for centuries.....feeling nothing.